It is mental health awareness week which has made me think of this blog that I abandoned last year. Why not pick it back up. It was kinda fun. So hear goes.
Conversation with my husband...
Me: My memory is crap. I can't take these meds anymore. If it gets any worse, I am going to forget my name. Some lady walked up to me today and started talking about my kids like she had known me for years. I had no idea who she was. If it wasn't for the fact that she knew Lacey was in middle school and wanted to start a YouTube channel, I would have swore I had never seen her in my life.
Him: You can't quit the meds. Talk to your doctor about adjusting them or adding something.
(always the same comment, regardless of my complaint about my meds)
Antidepressants, antipsychotics, antianxiety, mood stabilizers, stimulants...
Some make you fat, make your hair fall out, increase your blood sugar, your blood pressure, cause rapid heart rate, dizziness, muscle spasms, trouble walking...and these are the mild side effects...
More serious? Tardive dyskinesia (can you imagine going to the store and you realize your are sticking out your tongue, or smacking your lips, and you can't seem to make yourself stop?) You would probably hope it was Wally world so you would fit it...
Neuroleptic malignant syndrome: Your muscles lock up, temperature rises, blood pressure increases until you end up in delirium and possible comma.
Agranulocytosis: Your white blood cells may decide to abandon you leaving you at greater risk of infection/death.
and most serious (according to my husband)
...a complete and utter disinterest in sex.
If you on more than one drug, like most of us are, side effects are all over the place. Everything from forgetting your children's names to your toenails turning blue and falling off.
So, why would anyone take these medications? It isn't like you are physically sick, right?
Without them...paralyzing depression, frightening rage, disabling anxiety, complete hopelessness. A non-life. Mental illness can be and is often fatal. Almost 40,000 people committed suicide in the US (2010 statistics) in one year. This number does not take into consideration alcoholism, drug abuse, and high risk behavior that can be caused by untreated serious mental illness. It doesn't talk about the broken families, loss of relationships, loss of jobs. It also does not even mention the number of unsuccessful suicide attempts.
Even knowing what can happen without medications, many people (myself included) delude ourselves into thinking we are cured and try to stop taking the drugs. When I am compliant with my medications, I can get rid of the depression, rage, anxiety, and hopelessness but I also lose the never ending energy, the ability to function without sleep, the confidence to take on any person, project, creation that I can think up...the carelessness and freedom to jump off the end of a pier at the beach, to disappear for two weeks, just to get away. To have no cares, no responsibilities, no fear.
Of course, what goes up, must come down so sooner or later I will crash...hard. I'll get back on the medication and start all over again.
Sooo...I will continue to take my meds, mix up my kids names, trip over my own feet, forget how to get to work, talk faster than my mind can think, stick my tongue out at strangers...and survive.
Till the next....
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