Skylanders....if you have boys in your home...you know what it is, unless you have banned all forms of electronic gadgets from your home. If you have, you have my respect for your intelligence and tenacity in the face of unending begging, crying and unattainable promises of good grades, behavior modification and household servitude. It is the bane of my existence, it is a life sucking, IQ draining, time killing addiction..and I am being generous.
I am semi-sleeping comfortable and warm in my bed when I hear a high pitch scream of terror..."stop killing me, you are killing me!!".
I jump out of bed, thinking I was going to have to try some of those Karate moves my husband taught me, because whoever was in my house was going down...in the most painful way possible. I run/trip/fall down the steps, burst into the living room and find my boys standing on the sofa, screaming at the TV. I stand for a minute, trying to get my heart out of my throat, and pulse to slow to a life sustaining level. The boys don't even notice me. I just came down the stairs sounding like a pack of wild moose during mating season, and yet, they did not even turn around. I slowly walk in front of the TV. Now, of course, they look at me, with irritation, hate and distrust on their faces. Their eyes are glazed over and I swear, they are drooling. I very slowly, very clearly tell the boys that if they ever scare me like that again, I will pull out their tongue, and stick it to the refrigerator next to all the pictures and drawings. I will then throw the TV and X-Box down the driveway, into the road and invite the neighbors to take turns running over it.....
They look at me for a moment, see that I am not kidding, and vanish quickly from the living room.
My husband is going to be upset when he gets home and finds the TV and X-Box in the driveway smashed to bits....
As soon as I fall into the recliner and my heart slows and stops skipping beats, the girls show up. Of course..."What's for breakfast?"
I was hoping that since I slept in a little today, my kids had miraculously become self sufficient and had scavenged a breakfast for themselves. No such luck. "Can we have pancakes?" Of course, they can't settle for cereal or toast or something easy. "
"You know what, sure...as long as you make them yourselves." Am I mad? What am I thinking...My mind races to all the possible scenarios of this endeavor. The mess of batter on the walls, floor and counter, the facial burns, the fire that consumes the kitchen.... OK, I'm a little bit dramatic. They are ten years old, and I have a griddle, so no stove. They can follow directions...and Savannah has helped me many times...deep breath. I am going to force myself to sit still and let them try it. They can always call if they need help.
The boys sneak quietly back into the living room. I should have known that threats of bodily injury were no match for the siren call of the Skylanders. Only takes two minutes for the threats and screaming insults to go from quiet whispers to window shattering screams. I cover my ears with my hands as my daughter hands me a warm pancake. I taste...not bad. Not burnt...no screaming from the kitchen..wow. Savannah and Madison did very well. The fire alarm did not even go off. Maybe I am doing something right after all. The screaming and death threats from the boys destroy my thoughts of success. Well, guess I will have to be satisfied with 50%....for now.
Til next time,
Don't worry about walking in my shoes,
Just try a day in my head.
Very funny
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